Saturday, September 29, 2012

Lord? It's me, Martha. I need Mary's heart tonight.

I'm getting a little more nuts as the moments tick by.

After all, tomorrow is a big day for me.

I'm going to have a formerly sponsored child sitting in my living room...watching football with my husband, playing with my kids. A young person who has survived the evils of extreme poverty and lives as a trophy of God's matchless grace. It hardly seems real.

As a Compassion sponsor, there was a point where I dreamed of meeting a formerly sponsored child. Is it really possible that, now, I have met many? That I have personally heard their testimonies? That I have laughed, joked, and cried with them as we worked together for God's dear children? That others have sat in my living room or shared a dinner table and I count them as friends?

God is good, and when we align our desires with His, we get what we want...because it is what HE wants.

In preparation for all this, I'm afraid I'm having a Martha moment. I'm worrying about the deatils.

Like making our home look like adults actually live here...and not savage cave-children.

Like obsessing over child packets.

Like playing tomorrow's schedule over and over in my head.

Like considering whether or not I should build the new display (whose instructions only came today).

Like trying to remember all the things I am forgetting.

Like getting the wrinkles out of my Compassion tablecloth.

It is tough. I want to be in control. I want to make sure everything is absolutely perfect, that all the right things are said and done.

But I'm not in control. And all the while, I think God is sitting back with a smile and saying, "Child? Remember? You and I are on the same page with this. These aren't your children. This is not your speaker. These are not your events, and it is not your day. I've got it. Enjoy me giving you the desires of your heart."

So I think I'll let the wrinkles rest and leave the display for next time. I'm going to be Mary instead and sit at the feet of Jesus and do what is needed in trust and listen to the heart of my Savior.

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